Marine Corps
The Origin of Top
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
19 -Missing
Part 20

Topicus Ventures North - briefly

Part VII

After the rather quick return trip from the Wilderness and the numbness in her head subsided Topicus rested. Well, she had not long been settled in from her rambling and clubbing before the urge to wander took hold once more. She had left Little Bufficus up near the Great Blue Waters to recuperate from her captivity over in the Wilderness of Penn. Bufficus was working out in a spa over in a small land named for virgins. Her regimen included drinking raw egg milk shakes in order to make the weight charts before being recalled. Besides, she was tired of being bent over by the weight of those chains.

In the meantime Topicus had disposed of her mate, sent him packing down to Seminole Country. It is said that Topicus was overheard talking to some wayfaring Seminoles, who were visiting the Cherokee just over the mountain, and was in some discussion about her former mate. A Medium of exchange was counted and passed to the Seminoles, about forty shekels, 30 pieces of silver and a bag of colored marbles. Topicus was heard to be instructing the Seminoles but only bits of conversation were audible such as , “scalping the Mo....”(the rest of the word was unintelligible), and then, “biggest alligators you’ve got” and more, “stick him in the swamp feet first, and let ‘em work their way upward”, etc.

Having done this she felt better and was really up to another journey. This time headed to the far, FAR northwest. A place where she had emerged many years ago. She was up for just for a little R&R, going North to Alaska, just a little southeast of Nome. Bet none of you picked up on that little bit of plagiarism. (Hee, Hee!) There she was gonna just relax, smoke Kools, catch Salmon and watch mating animals.

This trip took Topicus through the land of the I-O-Way. While dangerous when stirred up they were peaceful with red haired warriors, more interested in watching the walk than warring with her. They grew a plant that had tall stalks, broad leaves and leaf covered pods that held a yellow grain. The fields stretched as far as the eye could see. Golden silk like material sprouted form the tops of the stalks and the whole thing waved about in the wind. Hum, “Amber waves of grain” she mumbled to herself, “strange, that makes me want to sing”. Eyeballing the grain she thought, “I know some folks way back in the Far Blue Mountains that could find a very good use for the liquid that could be squeezed from those kernels”! Looking around she found the land to be good and vowed to come back here to live when her warring ways were finished.

Across the Shining Mountains, and across the vast empty land on into the cold peninsula called Alaska she plodded. The land was sparsely settled and was Brown bears several ax handles tall and could have the black bear of the FBMs for lunch! Topicus settled in for the Summer, which lasted from July 4th through July 10th. So she set to Salmon fishing. Busy throwing hundred pounders left and right she didn’t see the huge granddaddy of them appear out on the blackberry patch and out onto the river bank. And he could talk. He roared, “what thinketh thou, female person? Thy be catching my supper for me?” Startled (actually scared shirtless), Topicus made a feint to the left, did a three-sixty to the right and was astride the broad back in a millisecond. All while drawing her Louisville Slugger. She and the Louisville Slugger were not unlike a Japanese martial artist with his nun-chuka, timber flying about the bear’s head and shoulders! “What be this thing” He roared in anger and total surprise. He splashed around in the river like a bronco trying to throw it’s rider. Bear ran toward his sanctuary in the bush. Bad move, Topicus was good in the bushes! She beat him between the ears until he was senseless. “Bear, do we see eye to eye?? This bear was a quick learner! “Yes Mam. I will for ever be in thy service if you will just put that damned stick down!”

Packing smoked Salmon and stowing her gear on to her new transportation she rode the bear back, (No Steve, not bare back!) For here it was Summer’s end. She traveled down the long coast and along the Far Blue Waters of the West.

Royal P.I.T.A.

e-mail Jim
created: Aug 8, 2003
Modified August 20, 2003