Marine Corps
The Origin of Top
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
19 -Missing
Part 20

Topicus Finds Mac O'Mighty

Part II

Topicus was making for the Far Blue Mountains (FBMs plagiarized from Zane Gray or Louis LaMoure, don't want to take the time to look it up). She was at 'sling arms' and cruising at 120 steps/minute. Bufficus was hard pressed to keep up (she had to take 240 SPMs just to keep pace. Bufficus also was weighted down by her own weapons; she had acquired a set of tiny swords (or was that a pair of knitting needles?). In any case she had them in sheaths that looked an awful lot like a kind of sock. Well, anyway, over a thorny, dusty hill they came. Suddenly they were overlooking a beautiful, sunny valley, the hillsides had the greenest most lush grass, fruit trees dropped their fruit about.

Down in the Valley was a beautiful brook with a stone bridge. Horrified, they saw a Big Billy Goat kicking the sh*t out of this little ole man! Topicus knew her duty, unslinging her weapon she rushed in swinging. The startled goat looked up at this howling mass of feminity heading toward him and cried, "Wait! my name is Gruff and that is a tro......" Then WHAM!! The Louis Slugger right between the friggin' horns. The big goat wobbled off, sideways, followed by two bleating child-goats (kids) who had taken refuge under the bridge. Top helped up the little follow who had green teeth, long dirty fingernails and a crows nest for hair. He had these two tiny little feets. Quite proud of this and other recent noble deeds Topicus declared, "Now little fellow, let's see about the horn damage...."

When suddenly dark clouds gathered and then parted with mighty claps of thunder and horrific flashes of lightning. There appeared a white robed figure, an ancient man with flowing white hair and beard. He was wielding the jawbone of an ass (it was said that it might be one of the Asses from a group of Asses known as the Clintonius'). Tiny Bufficus shreaked (in her newly acquired southern accent), "Hail Taw-op, whut is tha-at??" Topicus's trembling reply was , "That is MAC O'MIGHTY"! "He who dwells in and around the Great Big Waters to the far north, near the land in which dwell the frogs and snowbirds. He watches things, grumbles loudly, and rights wrongs where he finds them and then grades your paper".Then Mac O Mighty said, "Yeah, Verily Topicus! Thy respondest to the needs of a troll! The Big Billy Goat was doing the work of Myself! I done tol you, and tol you and tol you! Don't feed them trolls!" Mac O., shaking his old white head in amazement at his failure to comminicate, commanded, "Topicus, take up thy weapon and erase that little F___er, round up the goats and report back to me". Then MAC O MIGHTY disappeared into a white cloud (a cloud which would turn gray by the time he rode it through the pollution over his lakes that he thought were so great).We end the day with Topicus chasing the slimy little troll, whose little feets propelled him just beyond her reach. She could not get a stance and therefore no leverage. So they never caught him. He still wanders in and out of the green fields on the hillsides from time to time gobbling up innocent little goats and even a big old goat every now and then.

Royal P.I.T.A.

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created: Aug 20, 2003