Marine Corps
The Origin of Top
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
19 -Missing
Part 20

Topicus Finds Warriors!


I have made mention of “Warriors”, several times. I guess I had better catagorize them further. We have :

  • Ancient Warrior
  • Old Warrior
  • Moderately Old Warrior
  • Seasoned Anymore Warrior
  • Young Warrior
  • Boot Warrior

The ragged band of three Moderately Old Warriors had gone around the village in the sand and was tracking the women warriors. They soon found another set of footprints, that I a sizable man. He came into sight and seemed to be an Old Warrior trekking East, also. “Hail, Old Warrior, hark! And stuff like that!” cried Steveroleonious (have I spelled that the same way twice?). Where dost thou journey take thee? Join up with us, we might need thy bulk!” They were speaking, of course, to Robicus, the Wolfman. “We track that one who made camp with you and held you at bay in thine own cub’s abode. Join us in our quest for justice (revenge)”. “I will join thee” replied Robicus, Then he continued, “ Tell me, ye pack a multitude of weapons about, ....what did they call you, Slinger?.... I especially like the various models of slingshots. Slinger, I detect that thy load is unduly heavy and burdensome. What be it?” Proudly Slinger replies “Ammo, for my slingshots. Stones, big stones, little stones and pebbles. And it doth make one weary”. “Well”, said Robicus, “ thy ammo is in abundance under thy feet everywhere thy walketh. Would it not make great sense not to carry rocks about on thy back and just pick them up as you need them?” The Moderately Old Warriors looked at each other than back at the Old Warrior. “Thy genius is to be marveled at! Sergeant is in thy future”, Said John The Penn. Then turning to the Slinger he said, “ We knew that! Dump thy rocks, dumb ass!” So, after lightening Slinger’s load by 200 pounds, the four trekked onward. ( A lone figure trailed behind them, barely visible across the windswept plains. It was Tomicus who actually crawled from under the cliff that had fallen on him and was limping along trying to catch the foursome. Even though he had not been bashed by the Mighty Topicus he was a curious sort.)

Meanwhile Topicus and her troop was scaling the shining mountains. And it came to pass that they came to a pass, and passed through the pass. And Caticus spake, “I have heard of a Mile High Village in these parts. It has to be on the lower plateau at which we are looking, which can’t be all the way down the mountain, because if it was all the way down the mountain it would be in the valley, and anything in the valley can only be at....say.... a few hundred feet elevation, and if they are called the people of the Mile High Village then they have to be waaaayyyy up there, why, I bet that.........” Topicus, suddenly turns and stares! Caticus grins, “oh you knew that!”

A Giant party was under way in the Mile High Village . This party consisted mostly of Young Warriors and some had their women, all dancing, drinking and cavorting about.

Topicus comes up short and observes the goings on just below and exclaims, “ finally.....Young Warriors! Look! at them. Mother of God, just look at them!. After all my trials and tribulations with the Old Warriors and Moderately Old Warriors I have finally found a whole nest of Young Warriors! And how they cavort! Just look at them cavort. I want to cavort! I must cavort!” And she was off down the hill! Caticus threw a bucket of water on her but it did not phase her. She was running pell-mell, hell bent for leather, toward the young men. Even the swift Caticus could not catch up! As she went blazing underneath a giant oak tree a huge bat dropped in front of Topicus, which brought her to a quick halt. “Whoa there, red! Thy runneth toward a warrior who has my collar. Veer a few degrees left or right.” It was a female bat! Showing bloodstained teeth. Who pointed to a particular Warrior who already suffered some puncture marks about the neck. "That boy be in my blood” says the girl bat.

The girl bat run her eyes up and down Topicus, “We have heard of thee; thy new outfit is stunning. Thy mink be gone but thou hast new material.” “ Topicus responds, “This new material was obtained from the Beaver Pounder of the Bevis tribe. He is the most famous beaver trapper in the west. He also is the best preparer of the beaver hide. The best skinner, the best to cure and tan the hide and the best to make it the softest material this side of Okeechobee, thus the best beaver pounder.” So Topicus was outfitted with new knee high moccasins, beaver headgear and cape. But that which caught the eye most was the new beaver bikini. Then Topicus spake further, “The most fashionable anywhere. Yes, this is the latest. The best replacement for the mink. The best Beaver available.” So it was that the girl bat and Caticus went before her spreading the word, “Be hold Topicus and her Beaver!” (Topicus bellowed, "New cloths, dammit!") She marched into the fire light and silence fell on the cavorters. Spying the legendary Louisville Slugger and her penchant for bashing male heads, there was a general inclination for the men to move to the edge of the forest. But they edged back! Her beaver was in their eye and they stood and gawked as if made of stone! There were general exclamations about the unique character of this beaver. No fur had been see in those parts to match it. There were many comments over the new and exciting beaver. Many of which I cannot report, far being Warriors they soon forgot the danger of the Slugger. These Young Warriors, just as with the Old Warriors, were of a single mind. They began making crude comments that made one think they were borderline suicidal, being that close to the wielder of the most leathal Louisville Slugger known to mankind. I would repeat these comments about the beaver but would be touching on regions that might get even the writer in serious difficulties.

There were many, many warriors at the party. Too many to list all at once. Stories will be forthcoming as reports are received. There are two that I will go ahead with at this writing. The warrior that the girl bat was threatening even the Mighty Topicus over, was Jimicus Collilingus. (There is a story behind that name, but we won’t get into that just now. Let us say that is father had a sense of humor!). Well, old Coll (as some called him) had studied in the Valley of Resins and was expert in the filed of a machine known to aid in the computation of numbers. It had been brought from the ancient orient, China I believe. This device had a mainframe 6 inchs by 12 inches with string stretched tightly across and beads on the string. When the scribes had problems with the devices he was know as a “troubleshooter”. And was even know to give instruction on how to move the beads about to calculate how many goats might be missing.

Well, anyway, Topicus danced and cavorted and found a young warrior eyeing her up and down. She stopped cavorting and sidled over to him. “Thine eyes seem to have no control of their own. They roll about madly. What be thy name?” Still wary, “ They call me Tedicuslipicus. I met some Moderately Old Warriors on the trail and came under the patronage of the one called Slinger. I have been sent to you as a gift, Topicus. I have the keenest eyes that exist South of the Platte, North of the Pecos and West of the Mississippi. I am to be your eyes and scan things for you.” She was taken aback, “ He sendeth me a scanner? What manner of fool is he? Do I not have eyes? Thy be a young warrior so it is understood how you jump about as a Grasshopper. Take not instruction from those who would send you down a path of lecherous depravity and then let thy training as a Warrior fall by the wayside. I will guide thee. Here, come with me. See that huge rock? We are going back there and begin much needed lessons weaponry and stuff!” With this she lead him off around the back of the huge rock. She took his hand, lightly. Could that mean that she was trying to combine mentoring with motherhood? But what about the loud “Hot Damn” she whooped just as she went out of sight around the rock? I think she was just happy to find a young Warrior not set in his ways that was could still be molded. You may draw any conclusions you like.

Respectfully Submitted,

Cpl. Royal

(Disclaimer: I can not guarantee that this missive is chronologically, geographically, historically, politically, grammatically or factually correct. The information has been handed down orally from antiquity and evolves into the formation of the USMC and how a Master Sergeant came to be called “Top”. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental [didn’t they used to say that on Perry Mason?])

e-mail Jim
created: Oct 22, 2003