Marine Corps
The Origin of Top
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
19 -Missing
Part 20

The Tracker, Struck Dumb!

Part XI

As to the leering figures, we have to go back a couple of days: Steveolonious had healed somewhat. He was still on his mountain top perfecting a weapon that The Tracker had heard about in his travels. It was called a slingshot. Stevicus, The Tracker, had heard the story in a faraway country about a young boy, called Dave something or other, had slain a big dude with such a weapon. Of course they say that young Dave was squished under the big man that fell across him like a giant oak! Well, anyways, Steveoleonious saw this lone figure who had set up a fishing camp way down in the valley. He went, with his guest, down to see who was trespassing and saw that it was The Tracker! The Tracker who was supposed to be tracking the female destroyer of manhood, the female who was agitating womankind in general to rise up and smite male egos.

Now here we have to have prequel: Steveo (just to damn hard to have to type the whole name each time, so I will just waste more words explaining it!) had a special invite to an antique Iron Chariot gathering. This from John The Pennsylvanian (messages flew through the air long before email, carrier pigeons, remember?). JP was to attend a meeting to be held in the fog and rain of the far west land that tried to build a tall building and instead built a huge needle! Well, anyways, Steveo was given a guided tour which required descending down into the bowels of this little iron coffin. Dark too! He was given a demonstration of the Iron Chariot that the moderately old warriors had used it the troubles mentioned previously. JP demonstrated firing arrows through the small apertures around the chariot. The big demonstration was the “flamethrower” which actually was JP himself. First you had to make your spears of pitch pine, made from the heart of the pine tree, sharpen it to a keen point. Then you lighted the end of it. Now here was the trick. Throw the flaming spear through the two inch wide aperture. JP’s demo succeeded in missing the opening by one eight inch! Might have well been by a mile! Flame, dark smoke and choking gases filled the Iron Chariot. Two old warriors scrambled through the coffin lid, with smoking robes. It was just as well. JP had intended on getting more suitable attire than the old OD anyway. Some new cloth he was thinking about the more, “utility”. Had to give it some more thought.

So it came to pass that John The Pennsylvanian journeyed with Steveoleonious to land way south. Toward the funny people. No, now they were now making their way down to the fishing camp seen from the mountain “retreat”. Steveo carried the slingshot and would suddenly release a missile had a wayward bird or squirrel, usually removing and eye. “Thy be good with that thing, maybe you should be called ‘linger’. And I understand that the stone is not the only element thy can sling! HeeHee!” So it came to pass that one half of Steveoleonious’s friends called him Slinger.

They crept up on The Tracker. Now how in the name of CHP can two moderately old warriors, not so sure of foot anymore, sneak up on a world renowned traveler and tracker of human beings? And Slinger was about to ask! “Tracker!!” Slinger screamed. “What in the pluperfect hell dost thou think thou art about? Thy took my 30 pieces of silvers, the last shekel to my name, to track the one who is wreaking havoc among our warriors, and try be fishing???? She woundest the two of us that you see standing before you and many others. She even rebuketh Mac O’ Mighty! (A shudder ran through all of them as they contemplated the brass and mitigated gall it took to rebuke Mac O. !) Why, I don’t think try world travels include “tracking”. I think it is just one long fishing trip! I think thy brain has gone fishing!” Stevicus calmly waited until the steam from Steveo abated and spoke, “She be in my sights. Ease thy mind. I know her direction. She be resting just over yon mountain. And who is this that accompanies thee? Could it be John The Pennsylvanian of Iron Chariot fame. I have heard of him. Makes clay pots. Experimenting with metal. Both of thee can accompany me for a while.

So that is how the three came to be on that mountain top staring down (or leering down, as it were) at Topicus resting on the rock. They were each lost in their own thoughts, thoughts that ran parallel and prurient in content. Slinger muttered things that started with “I would like to...” that trailed off back into the darkness of his mind. Then that sudden move from the rock. Bronzed flesh going high into the trees, swooping back down and back up with the bear secured tightly! They were spell bound! Slinger was slack jawed and drooling as he thought about thighs of steel around that bears neck. And he thought, “if I could choose my own method execution I think I would kill someone!” John thought, “I sent her packing once, but she has weapons unlike any I have seen! Maybe luck was the better part of my skill, last meeting!” Whereby, Sreveroleonious and John The Pennsylvanian had been wounded by her and knew the many tricks she had for caving your head in, Stevicus, The Tracker, had never seen her in action. The Tracker turned toward the other two moderately old warriors with a glazed look over is shocked eyes. He was speaking in some kind of tongue that at first they could not comprehend. “Shockinaw, shockinaw, shockinaw , she got the shockinaw! I got to track that with the shockinaw? My Gawd! When doth my contract runneth out Steveo?

“Be not afraid Bro Stevicus”, JP declared, “ I suffered a bashed in head and other than walking at right oblique a little bit, I am fit. And look at Steveoleonious, he came out of it with a mere crooked knee, and is funny only when trying to dash to cover. And thou, being The Tracker, have wily skills that she not heareth of . We will follow you back East in your quest.

And so the three wise guys set out.

Royal P.I.T.A.

e-mail Jim
created: Sept 21, 2003